i think.. what I have for you is 'limerence'

Symptoms of limerence are: 

• Consistent and intrusive thoughts about the LO
• Idealization of the LO
• Constantly being reminded of the LO by places, people, objects, and situations
• Intense fear of being rejected by the LO
• Fluctuations of mood depending on whether the LO seems to reciprocate feelings or not (feeling happy when they call and devastated when they don’t)
• Overwhelming emotions ranging from euphoria to distress and guilt
• Being awkward, shy, and clumsy around LO
• Spending excessive amounts of time grooming or beautifying yourself to impress the LO. (source: what is limerence and how to overcome it)

What is Limerence? 

it is a term that coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in the 1970s. It used to describe an intense and involuntary infatuation or romantic obsession. Tennov defined “limerence” as a state of profound longing, intrusive thoughts, and heightened emotional dependence on another person (called Limerent Object).  Limerence is not love.  Limerence force the other through the belief that these feelings should be reciprocated. 

Until now, the cause of limerence is still undefined, but scholar believes it is resulted from childhood trauma that caused low self-esteem;which eventually turn into a type of insecure attachment. The cause of limerence have nothing to do with the object, but rather triggered by the limerent's  need of affection and approval. With that being said,  the best way to end limerence is to practice self love and heal the childhood trauma. 

limerence can last for months.. even years...

★★★★★

I am sorry to all the people that ever be my limerent object. I believe it must be sucks to be one's object of obsession. No wonder you say that I am selfish.. bcs, hey, it was never about you... it's all about me!!

I tried to read murakami so you'll be interested in me. HELLOOOWW WHAT THE HECK??? 

remember the poem I wrote you?

        you.
        how could someone occupy one's mind for so long, so intense?
        every ticking o'clock reminds me of
        you

        yet i must not and never
        like you, love you, lust you

        your bluish gray stares
        your long eyelashes
        your dirty blonde wavy hair
        what's inside the head?

        how silly of me to want
        to crawl on
        to adore
        you

        baby, what's on the table?
        any words that slip those sweet sugary lips
        could mean heaven
        or hell

        ahh
        it's too much
        you.

bro, I wanna bury myself alive.. how embarrassing it is?? 😭😭

I feel so mentally ill, this is not something I can control.. I don't choose you to be my limerent object. and i feel so sorry for your suffer... 
apparently limerence is not as rare as i thought it was.. 
you can easily look up Limerence experience on reddit or quora.. there are tons of opinion share which I relate.. I can tell that I felt exactly the same as these people.. 

here are some example:

to feel limerence ..  

the second one here, to feel limerence 2, is extreme case, but my mother holly, I can relate to her desperation, to wanting to move where he lives.. phoning and texting harassing him and his family... I actually texted and mailed you like I am possessed... man, I'm fully aware of how toxic and inappropriate my actions are... but I cannot control myself.. 

my question is, why do people feel limerence to others whilst in a 'healthy-loving' relationship??

people in these two cases admit that they are in a healthy, functioning marriage.. have a loving wife and husband... but still the limerence feels so strong... if limerence is developed due to the need to fill this void, why people in a good relationship still develop limerence??

according to ChatGPT:

Some possible reasons why people feel limerence even when they are in a stable long term relationship are... 

• They are dissatisfied with their current relationship and seek excitement, novelty, or validation from someone else.
• They have an insecure attachment style and crave reassurance, attention, or approval from others.
• They have low self-esteem and struggle with self-worth, self-acceptance, or self-love.
• They have unresolved emotional issues or trauma that affect their ability to form healthy and stable bonds.
• They are experiencing a midlife crisis or a transition period in their life and feel restless, bored, or unfulfilled.

Limerence is not a sign of weakness or immorality, but rather a complex psychological phenomenon that can impact anyone, regardless of age, gender, or relationship status. Limerence is not something to be ashamed of, but rather something to be aware of and address with compassion and honesty.

okay, ChatGPT made me feel better, a bit. 

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